Trans* people are often highly misunderstood in the world of sex.
Our bodies being seen by society as ‘different’ and ‘shameful’ means that transgender people are often at risk of inappropriate & harmful misconceptions in regards to sex. Not only this but it can be particularly hard for trans people to open up about their sex as a result of society’s ignorance, meaning the topic often goes ignored. When it is raised by others, the GO TO question seems to be “how do trans people have sex?”
Personally I’ve been asked this more times than I can remember. It’s offensive, but also it’s ignorant. Sex is not linear. It is not just one act. It is not the same between any two people. It is not the same twice.
Trans sex is no different.
These misconceptions harm our community, not just directly but in-directly too. When you assume things about our sex and our bodies, you reduce us to an expectation that is often false. You reinforce negative ideas about our bodies and our communities.
Be careful when taking things you see in the media at face value. Instead it’s important to seek the facts from trans people themselves, who are willingly offering it out (myself included).
Trans sex is beautiful, and deserves celebrating.
Below i’ve highlighted 3 common misconceptions that I’d like to answer on behalf of the trans community, as a trans person myself.
- Trans people can’t have sex // “how do trans people have sex?”
If sex to you means literally just the act of a penis entering a vagina, I’d say this is a pretty limited understanding of sex. Sex is so much more than that!
Sex is kissing, holding eachother, touching, licking, biting, grinding.
Sex is not just one act. Sex is an experience, sex is a connection – and trans people are no different.
Transgender people have sex in the ways that suit them, and feel comfortable for them. Just like cisgender* people do. And it’s damn good too.
- Trans people dont want sex
Often, trans people find it hard to have sex, myself included. I struggle with dysphoria, making it sometimes challenging to be seen naked. But that’s not to say I don’t want or don’t have sex.
As transgender people, we often find ways to make sex more desirable, and to make ourselves as comfortable as we can. Often that includes sex toys, clothing, music, lubricants, etc. Just like everyone else, trans people are always finding new and exciting ways to have sex. We have challenges that can affect our libido’s or our desires, just like someone with, for example, mental health issues may. This does not mean though, that we don’t want to have sex. Of course, some people do not. That’s ok too, but it’s important not to assume this for all trans people, as it’s just not the case.
- Trans people are not sexy
It is unfair to assume all trans people are the same. We are not. We all look different and we all are different. The same goes for sexiness.
To assume that trans people are not sexy, is a restrictive generalistation, not forgetting how harmful it can be for us to hear and feel.Trans people are dynamic & varied people who do not need placing in one box. Trans people ARE sexy, just like everyone else. Just because you may not see it, doesn’t mean it’s not there.
Secondly, sexy is a state of mind often based on childhood impressions of attractiveness. Sexiness is what we make it and in a world that shames & hides trans people, it’s not surprising that many would not see us in a sexual light.
But it’s important we change the record & we work to do so.
It’s so important we address these misconceptions so we can better support transgender sexual wellness. Currently, information & awareness is incredibly limited, posing huge risk to trans lives.
Please think about how you communicate your questions or concerns around trans sex with trans people. Seek the work already out there, made by trans people, to educate yourself, before potentially harming someone with your comments. Include trans people in your conversations about sex. Help teach others to be better!
Trans sex is beautiful, and deserves celebrating.
For Knude Society
AZ FRANCO 